Even If It Means I Must Forget You
by WhySoShiny
Summary: Love was all Grell had for William, but even in eternity, time might be up. As a last night together, he must say something. Heavy smut, heavy angst.


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters in this fanfiction, simply borrowed from** _ **Kuroshitsuji**_ **.**

 **QUICK NOTES: I write in Australian/British English, detailed (graphic?) male/male sex, pretty angsty. Possible trigger warning if you hate Grell being referenced in male terms. Apologies for irritable mistakes, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Most of the time all Grell wanted was nothing more than superficial love and affection from all of those around him, to be called a beautiful and sophisticated lady with a hypnotic aura which struck the hearts of all whom encountered him. His femininely tailored uniform, glasses chain and even state of the art chainsaw reaping weapon were custom designed to showcase the ravishing essence of whom everyone knew was the Crimson Reaper, Grell Sutcliff, from the Retrieval Division of the Grim Reaper Dispatch. Nothing anyone ever said fazed him as he knew he was the moonlight that shone a mesmerising light on such an otherwise boring sea of, well, nothing.

Unfortunately there was an exception, even if he was the Goddess of Death, Grell's alluring exuberance never quite reached one individual. No matter how many lecherous pairs of eyes burnt a trail of desire behind when he donned a luxurious grown dripping in the finest of garnets all of existence had, or how many people's mind, body and soul have been enslaved to every command just from trying their luck flirting with him, Grell still could never rattle the one previous person he always kept deep within his gluttonous heart.

 _'My, oh my, I wish my gorgeous darling would just forget who he is for one fleeting second and see me, see who I am and let me be his eternity for all the damned time we will forever –'_

"Could you be any more of a let down to this company, Grell Sutcliff?"

Papers all in black and white presented in front of his face snapped the red headed reapers back to reality. A black gloved hand at the top of the pages led straight to the source of the insult: Management Division's William T. Spears.

Despite the harsh tone, his face bore no emotion. With disregard to the fact every reaper possessed the same golden-green eye colour, Grell saw that behind the mask of professionalism was the exasperated look in William's eyes; he knew that that look meant he was in no mood to put up with his antics for the duration of his time on duty.

"My, my, aren't we a bit cruel in the treatment of this fair and fragile maiden, William, my love?" He placed a gloved finger atop his manager's hand in a flirtatious manner to no avail. The raven haired reaper provided no reaction to the dismay of his subordinate's amusement, this prompted Grell to release a pent up sigh and begrudgingly take the stack of papers out of his superior's hand and placed it on his ever tardy desk. At this point, even Grell was sick of his own shit, his object of long subjected desire left him with feelings of dissatisfaction and emptiness, an unattainable object of unrequited affections.

"Nearly 100 years later and still nothing, fuck my luck, that bastard," he grumbled under his breath and watched William leave. Grell hoisted his overcoat and left for another night of soul collecting.

* * *

Another night, another round and Grell didn't know if he enjoyed what they'd been doing for the past few weeks or not. So much confusion arose after that fateful night six months prior, of course initially he got a kick out of having late night rendezvous with the man whom he thought was always out of his reach, the attention he was deserving of was ecstatic, the most addictive high he ever experienced both as a mortal and immortal, but this was one of those blue moon moments where he didn't crave the attention he otherwise begged for. If anything, the past few nights dare proved disappointing. Perhaps it was the suppressed logic that finally weaved its way into his heart to let him know this could never work out, after all, everything they were doing was out of character for the usually strict and uptight reaper.

William slid his hands out of their gloves to reveal his slender, pale fingers and placed his gloves neatly on the corner of his desk. He perched himself against the edge, a signal for Grell to proceed forwards. The red head took ginger steps forward, a pit formed in his stomach more so out of regret than hunger for lust, he stopped with his eyes closed, tightly clasped hands concealed behind his back, face mere inches away from the man in front of him. He trembled with both anticipation and hopelessness but knew he wanted this night to be the most memorable one – he needed this one to be his everlasting dream.

"Where were we?" The smooth carelessness of William's whisper sent shockwaves throughout his body, a reference to the sneaky kiss they clipped in the hallway earlier that day. Grell let a small breath escape, hands relaxed, then tensed again when a cool thumb lightly pressed under his jaw line, stroked its way up along the side of his face and softly commanded his chin upwards. The dark haired reaper cupped the side of his partner's face much to Grell's relief at the cool sensation which calmed his raging hot skin, only that coolness of his hand suddenly heightened the temperature of the scarlet reaper when it stroked down the side of his exposed neck, not having realised that the other unoccupied hand had already unravelled the red and white striped bowtie, his usually upturned collar now pushed outwards.

Dextrous fingers curled ever so slightly, neatly groomed nails scraped teasingly down the side of Grell's neck, his head instinctively stretched in the opposite direction to emphasise the ligaments and felt an exhilarating rush as a thumb brushed over his clavicle bone. The crimson reaper felt his breathing increase acutely, unbeknownst to William where he wanted the course of action to direct towards tonight.

William let his hand slowly slide down his subordinate's chest and curled its way around the back, his other hand unbuttoned the first two buttons of Grell's shirt and pushed it off-centre as he let his tongue take a tantalising taste with a stroke from the base up. This exacted in a stifled moan from the one who stood before him, the power and control in play such an enlivened experience, though he dared not let any signs of self-satisfaction show through. The dark haired reaper savoured the taste and sighed with content.

"Will, dear," Grell sighed softly, his face still upturned, eyes closed in confusion and hands still clasped behind his back, "as much as I love what passionate energy we have between us, can we perhaps take it slow tonight?" Such a request even shocked the red head himself, what else could he do when there was a hidden agenda to tonight?

The dark haired reaper stopped momentarily in deep thought, still without a word uttered in response. He continued his contemplation as he slid his hands behind Grell's back to remove his gloves and back in front between the two and unbuttoned his waistcoat, worked the remaining buttons from the white shirt free and slipped everything off seamlessly, the garments thudded against the floor quietly, all the while their eyes never met. For the first time in his immortal life he wasn't sure what was going on, albeit this particular employee was textbook predictable. Grell stared absentmindedly into the black sea of locks that was his manager's hair as he loosened and slipped the black tie off, hands meticulously worked the buttons off the black waistcoat and half way down the immaculate white shirt, soft fingertips blindly traced the crevices of his toned upper torso.

"Sutcliff, are you-"

"Don't."

Usually the one telling others to shut up, William was taken aback; the voice of someone he knew all too well was once speaking with an abysmal tone, an unsettling feeling washed over him.

He noted that as his fingers spread across the alabaster skin, his impeccably manicured nails were of an exquisite shade of freshly spilled blood. Such a svelte appearance was concealed behind the bespoke suits, the red head only hoped he was (and remains as) the only person to cherish the enthralling vision that was known as William T. Spears.

Without a doubt they'd had their fair share of explorations of one another's bodies, but tonight he wanted to commit to intimacy, to memorise everything he loved about this man before the night ended. However many decades they'd been together, Grell never stopped wanting to know more and more about this reaper, he never stopped wanting to know what satisfied him whether it be professionally or personally, never stopped anticipating what he would say, never stopped wanting to know what was going on in his mind, in his heart.

The eerie silence with only the sounds from the wall mounted clock in William's office provided enough clarity for Grell to touch, to feel, to rationalise that what he set out to do tonight was for the best. His eyes ingrained the images of this immaculate reaper's form, his broad shoulders and soft chest provided his head with a comfortable resting spot when they were faced to face or simply cuddling as they basked in the afterglow, the toned abdominals where he lavished sweet kisses to prove his undying devotion to this god, that one sacred spot just under his left rib bone that even the man himself didn't know was an erogenous zone.

Grell treasured William's chest, especially the spot where his heart anatomically laid. No real heartbeat was active but as he placed a warm hand on top, he believed he could feel this man's chest beat calmly.

 _'Such a dear loss and shame.'_

Grell took his superior's hands and stood him up; eyes averted to the ground as he knelt before the man and removed his belt in a manner he'd grown accustomed to; with his teeth. Talented, he knew, but it was also an exercise of incredible creativity his mind was capable of when it came to matters in the bedroom, and a sight to see by the recipient. The raven haired reaper snapped out of his concerns when he felt a warmth envelope his member, the excitement rushed from his lower regions straight to his brain with an electrified reaction; even though the appearance of his teeth were altered, the tips were surprisingly rounded off and even added an exciting element when it came to oral play.

The way his subordinate's tongue caressed up, down and around his member always made his head spin, William had never felt anything quite like it. The red head slowly licked from the base of William's member with a wiggling motion until he reached the tip where he curled the tip of his own tongue and gave a small flick to which placed the underside of his tongue on top of the member and made his way back down with a swift loop back down the underside and sucked all the way back to the tip where he finished with a few swirls at the head and released. When all was thought to be over, Grell started another barrage of assaults on his insatiable member, eyes still in avoidance with the pair up above.

William had to brace himself against his desk with one hand, whilst the other was entangled with red locks bunched tightly against Grell's skull. It didn't matter that the crimson reaper had ripped another hole in his underwear, that one trick was worth it. A slender hand crept its way up to the elusive spot just under his left rib bone and formed a loose fist, nails scraping the area and evoked the barbarian within him, the last bits of composure shattered. He growled and felt a resurgence of carnal desire take over his whole body again, longing to seek the comfort of the insides of his partner.

The scarlet beauty could sense that his lover couldn't contain his urges and stood with his back faced towards William, his trousers also hastily pushed down his legs to reveal his perfectly porcelain bottom, member awaiting the touch of another. With his hands splayed across the grand desk, Grell turned his head back to reveal a unique form of lust: eyes still deflected but sedated with both melancholy and yearning, cheeks flushed a rare shade of rose, lips parted in earnest.

The sight of such a beauty presented before him sent his mentality over the edge.

William positioned himself at Grell's entrance and glided inside with a deep inhale at the immense pleasure of finally becoming one with his lover, a restrained mewl came from the subordinate under his body. Tears of both regret and pleasure slipped from Grell's eyes, his efforts to suppress his overwhelmed emotions on the verge of breaking him more than the rhythm of his partner against his request.

"I love you, William," He whispered under his breath as a means to control his mentality. His body begged him not to let this opportunity to go, this was euphoric, the feel of the dark haired reaper's body against and in his own was abundantly more than what it'd always dreamt of, strong arms encircled his midsection, the upper torso provided a safe haven that wrapped around him when he needed comfort.

A strong hand wrapped around his member and stroked it gently as they continued their ritual of passion, a gasp found its way out of Grell's tightly sealed lips. It wouldn't take much longer before he liberated himself.

 _"I love you."_

With word so tender and honest, the crimson reaper clasped his mouth with one hand and let go, William, too, succumbed to the smaller reaper's strength and also released.

The warmth that filled the void in the pit of Grell's stomach reassured that everything would be fine; he promptly recomposed himself and mustered the strength to pull away from his lover. The same grip around his midsection tightened at the slight change in body positions, Grell pushed the arm away and stood, taking a handkerchief from inside one of the desk drawers and cleaned himself. He lightly pushed William backwards so he could take a seat in his desk chair and quickly dressed as best as he could without a mirror.

"Sut-"

"Let me explain myself, Spears."

For once Grell used formal language in front of his superior and it astounded the spent reaper.

"I've spent so many years pioneering ways to make you mine," the scarlet reaper was fully dressed and now seated on the corner of the desk they'd just spent the last few moments intimate with, "my heart still wants you, it yearns for you. I'm so happy you can finally say you love me but it's too late now, my heart and soul want me to burn in hell for what my mind wants but for once I need to take care of myself."

The tears finally broke free from the dam that were his eyes, he did his best to clean up William through them. With the last button redone and the tie properly knotted with a double Windsor, Grell gave one last pat on the chest where his heart anatomically belonged in his chest.

"Even if it means I must forget you."


End file.
